TexasMama

Beaten by Geriatrics

I ran a 10 mile race last Sunday.  It was dreadfully hot and humid.  I knew I was in trouble when, at about mile 8, a group of 60+ year old men ran by me shouting encouragement.  But it gets worse.  Oh so much worse.

As it turns out, I was soundly beaten by a 75 year old man.  We're talking he crossed the line 15 minutes before me!  And he in turn, crossed the line well after a 70 and 71 year old man and was closely followed by a 73 year old man, who of course, was  still well ahead of me.

In fact, 20 of 29 men over 60 finished ahead of me, as did 14 women 50 and over.  Oddly I finished 9th among 47 women in the 30-34 year old category, so at least I wasn't the only one getting by butt whipped by gandparents!

I then spoke to a friend who ran a marathon in which an 80 year old woman finished in under 4 hours.  Can you even immagine?

Seems I have some training to do! ;-)

Left vs. Right

I am a member of an on-line community that I really love.  There are many women in the group that I feel are truly friends though I have only met 1 in person.  The group is very diverse in both parenting style and politics.  In many of the discussions, I often think we go too far in making sure not to offend any one making the board sometimes overly sweet. 

But last year the election brought out some intense feelings and the aftermath of Katrina has caused some of those to resurface.  According to a pre-election poll, the board is roughly split between people planning to vote for Bush and those planning to vote against him, with the against group maintaining a small majority.  But only the most left-leaning of the members do much talking about politics.  This has led to some hurt feelings.

But I have to tell you I just don’t get it.  If you are a Bush supporter and I say I think the guy is an ass-faced moron, totally controlled by corporate interests, a complete bigot, and a hypocrite to boot, and you disagree, why don’t you just say to yourself, or to me if you prefer, that I am obviously deluded and clearly brainwashed by the “liberal media?”  Why don’t you just tell yourself what an idiot I am instead of feeling a personal affront because I happen to have a strong dislike for our current President and everything he stands for? 

Lot’s of people hated Clinton with a passion.  They hated everything about him and said so loudly and often, and yet most Clinton supporters did not express moral outrage that someone dare criticize our commander in chief.  No one considered it un-American to disagree with him.  Right now Bush’s approval rating is a dismal 37%, a full 6 points lower than Clinton’s ratings EVER were, and yet many, many, many people still consider it blasphemy to say anything bad about the guy.  How can that be?

It’s no wonder the state of democracy is suck a fucking mess in this country.  Everyone is afraid to speak out about a guy the vast majority of the country thinks is doing a crappy job.  Why, if most of the country no longer supports the war (which, if Bush weren’t such a bald-faced liar they never would have supported anyway) is Congress still approving the BILLIONS of dollars we spend there each week?  Democracy is dependant on dicussion, dissent, and debate, but Bush has somehow made all those things taboo.

I think there are two intertwined answers to all these questions: Religion and un-informed opinions.  Bush has managed to irrevocably tie religion into the right wing platform, so for many religious people disagreeing with him is tantamount to blasphemy.  Bush has declared that he was appointed by God to bring Democracy to the world.  Now why statements like that don’t scare the bejeesus out of 90% of this country, and bring down the wrath of the “liberal media” is beyond me, but apparently this country has decided it’s OK for our President to claim to have a direct channel from God.  And since he is getting his direction strait from god, there’s not really any need to question what he does.  Religious leaders tell their people he is right and that is enough for them.  He invokes God, he must be right.

All I can say is that the Christian Right and Corporate America have shown themselves to be pretty damn smart..  And if we don’t start making some serious moves to counter their influence, this country is going to go somewhere only a very few people want it to go.  That is, if it isn’t too late already.

Can This Be Our Country?

Can this truly be happening in this, our rich and formidable country?  Can we really be leaving thousands upon thousands of people standing in hot sun, surrounded by feces, urine, and dead bodies, without water or food?  Are there really mothers handing 2 month old babies to total strangers lucky enough to make it onto a bus in hope that at least the baby might survive?  Can this be happening? Here.

And now the refugees poor into our city, to live in yet another sports arena.  And thousands of people want to help.  But no one can tell us how.  The Astrodome is turning away everyone except those coming on the buses from the super-dome.  They are turning them away with no means to get anywhere else.  I would drive them.  But friends have already been turned away from the gates of the dome trying to make the same offer.  We are told to call the local red cross, but they are overwhelmed with offers of help and are already too busy running the existing aid programs.

Texas plans to house roughly 50,000 refugees from New Orleans for the next few months.  These people have nothing, and most have lost family members, some even their whole family.  They have no way to get information on their families, no way to find one another.  Like so many others, I have to wonder why more plans weren't in place.  Don't misunderstand, I don't really blame the people out there now trying to help.  They are doing the best they can, under the circumstances.  But it seems the circumstances are so much worse than they might have been.

New Orleans has know for years that a hurricane could do exactly this.  Clearly a disaster of this magnitude is more than the local or even state government could possible handle on their own.  The Federal government is there now, trying to help, trying to manage the situation, trying to figure out what to do.  Why don't the already know what to do?  Why aren't they simply executing a pre-arranged plan.

And the Texas government has generously offered to house 50,00 people.  A lovely offer and one that is undoubtedly greatly appreciated.  But the need for long term housing for all those people cannot possible be a surprise to anyone.  Where did Texas really think all these people would go in the event that the worst did happen?  It's a fair assumption Texas would need to take in many of them, so why was there no plan in place for that.  It's quite fortunate the astrodome was never torn down as many people wanted.  but that was fortune, not planning.  Why is there not already a contact center set up and waiting for the arriving refugees to help them find their loved ones?

SO many questions about the most heartbreaking situation I have even seen in this country.  ALl I know is I am sad, and short of monetary  donations, which I have already made, there seems to be nothing I can do.  Even though nearly 25 thousand refugees with absolutely nothing, will be living down the road from me.  I'll find a way to help if it's possible, but it should have been easy for me to be helping already.

Holding Bob's Hand

Today is G-'s 10th day of school.  The last 4 days have had varying amounts of upset on both our parts.  but I'll cut to the happy part and put the whole story at the end.

As we left the house today, he said he was going to be happy at school and build. When I asked him if that meant he would get out of the car without crying at all, he didn't answer.  So I asked if maybe he would only cry a little bit and he said, "Yes, maybe I will cry a little, but then I will be happy and build.  And Farmer Pickles (from the Bob the Builder TV show) will help me.  We will fix the roof." 

When we got to school he said he was going to be my big brave boy and not cry at all. "But I'll just hold Bob's (the builder) hand going up the steps." He has this thing about holding his own hand when I ask him to hold mine, and he likes to pretend to be Bob.  So apparently he decided that it would be comforting to pretend his own hand was Bob's as he went up the steps to school. How funny is that?

And then he got out of the car seat, arranged his tools in his tool belt, climbed out of the car and walked up the steps holding his own hand.  SMILING!!!

But getting to this point was not so easy. The day after my last post, when I'd left again fairly quickly.  He cried and cried that he did not want me to go.  In hindsight I should have stayed longer that day, but what can you do?  That afternoon I picked him up and he seemed fine.  But that night was a disaster.  It took 2.5 hours to get him to bed and then it was only because I stayed in his room and slept with him.  It was awful.  Every time I thought he was asleep, I would get up and within seconds he was wailing, "Mommy, don't leave me!. Mommy come back!"  I began to reconsider the school thing.

But we'd paid and we weren't getting any money back, so I decided to slow down and try again.  On Thursday, I stayed nearly the whole day with him, but I sat in a corner and tried not to interact so he would feel safe that I was there, but have to go out on his own to have fun.  After about 2 hours, he asked if I would go get his tools from home.  I did and while he was crying a little when I came back about 40 minutes later, they said he'd been fine the whole time.  I put his tool belt on him and he ran off to play, no clinging at all.

Friday I stayed about on hour, then left for a new parent meeting.  I checked on him after 10 minutes and he was playing happily.  At the end of the day, the teacher said she thought he was ready for a regular drop-off.

We talked about the drop-off a lot over the weekend.  He was really excited to go back to school but he kept asking me to stay with him.  On Monday, he clung to me in the car and screamed Mama, Mama, as the teacher carried him up the steps.  I drove away with tears streaming down my face feeling like the worst parent ever.  I got coffee and went strait back to the school, planning to stay the day if he was still crying.  But when I arrived (maybe 7 minutes after I'd left) I could hear him, just on the other side of the door, talking to his teacher.  He still sounded a little pathetic and sad, ;-) but he wasn't crying at all and was agreeing to play.  At pick-up he came running to see me and seemed very happy.  His teacher said he did great.  He talked non-stop about all the fun things he did in school.

Tuesday, on the way to school he said he did not like me to pick him up.  I asked if he wanted to stay at school all day and he said, "NO! I want you to stay at school with me!"  We talked again about how he had to do his work and I had to go do mine.  He cried when he got out of the car, but his teacher said he was fine by the time they were in the door.

And then there was today.  And it was great.

Conversations with G-

More on school later, but for now, some G- funnies.

Woman at adjacent table: Well, aren’t you just a cutie.  You are going to be quite a heart breaker when you grow up.

G-: Yes. Yes I am.

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His (4yo girl) cousin C-:  William, what do you want to play?

G-:  Let’s play ballerinas.

C-: OK!

A little later

G-: utterly distraught  Maaaammmaaaa!  C- says ballerinas can’t have tools!

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G-:  Can I building and fixing as good as new? (a line from the Bob the Builder theme song)

Me: Sure, honey, build as much as you want to.

G-: I’m not honey.  I’m Bob!

_______________________

G-, upon walking into his new classroom: Look Mama, a kitchen. Cool!

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G-, looking at the tail of a camel drawing on his wallpaper border:  Mama, why does the camel have a penis?

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G-: Mama, I love you in the whole world.

_______________________

G-:  Mama, I love your armpits!

_______________________

G-, mostly asleep and reaching towards me as I lay him in bed:  Armpits!  I want armpits!

_______________________

G-, as I pick him up: Get me out of these arms!  Mama, can you get me out of these arms?!

_______________________

Me:  G-, would it be OK if Mama left now?

G-: Mama, would it be OK if you stayed with me?

_______________________

Oh, Yeah, She's the "Crazy Mom"

I'm definitely going to be known at G-'s school as the crazy, overprotective Mom.  I went back to check on him 3 times today.  The first, he was still crying.  UGH!  The next two he was fine.   When he saw me at pick-up, he grinned and ran strait past me to the benches they are supposed to sit on to wait for the parents.  Well, at least he good at the rules right?

Then as soon as he got to the bench he squealed, "We're going to Chucky Cheese's!!"  Yup, that's right, folks, I have resorted to all out bribery.  But he seemed less mad today, and if the prospect of riding on Scoop can distract him from his earlier abandonment, I think we might be going to CC everyday for a while. ;-)

Then the twerp even talked me into getting him the horribloe CC pizza.  But I ate it and enjoyed it because my baby was happy.  That'll be the only time, though.

This afternoon, we are going out to get the book,  Owl Babies.  It was reccommended by and friend, I hope it helps.

My heart Aches

Today was G-'s 4th day of school.  And I left.  No, really, I did.  3 times, actually. Yesterday I took him to his favorite toy store and I let him pick out a special toy.  I told him if he would let me leave school, and he would stay and play and be happy, we would go back and get the toy for him right after school.   When I left, he asked me to stay, but he did not cry.

Then there was a whole cell phone fiasco I won't go into, and I ended up back at the school 20 minutes later.  He was crying.  When I finally left again he was pretty upset but the teacher assured me she would call me if he didn't calm down quickly.  I went back about an hour later and he was happily playing.  He did not see me, so I left again.

I came back at pick-up time and he was sitting on the little bench with the rest of the kids, seeming happy enough.  But he wouldn't look at me.  I asked if he had a good day and he said yes.  I asked if he was ready to go with me and he said, "I don't want to go with you."  Oh dear God, my heart broke in two. 

Once, on an AP board I lurk on, a woman posted that she thought kids that were left in day-care screaming but then did not want to leave at the end of the day, had simply had their trust utterly broken.  They wanted to stay at daycare, because no one there had broken their trust yet.  I dismissed that as total over-reactive AP-dogma crap, but I have to tell you, when my dear, sweet child would not look at me and said he did not want to go with me,  I knew, that was exactly what had happened.  I betrayed him and he was afraid to trust me again.  And it felt awful.

But anxious to make him happy,  I asked if he wanted to go get his pizza set and he grinned and happily jumped off the bench to come with me.  Outside I asked him to look at me and give me as kiss.  He gave me a big kiss and said he loved me so I felt better.  I guess  a little toy bribery goes a long way.

I asked again if he had a good day and he said, "Yes... and you came back for me!"  (picture my heart breaking again...)  I reassured him for the millionth time that I would always, ALWAYS come back for him.  He seemed fine the rest of the afternoon, and was very cuddly with me, so I think our relationship is not too damaged, but I worry, very much, about leaving him again. It may sound overly dramatic to some, but I really do think he believed I had simply abandoned him yesterday.  That is something I never, NEVER want my child to feel.  What if he feels that way every day?  Surely that would affect his long term trust of me.  Is it a mistake to leave him?  He's always been happy to see me again, when I've left him with the nanny.  Ack, why is this so hard.  I was feeling so good when I left the first time, and I'm so worried now.  And I am really not looking forward to tomorrow.   *SIGH*

The school decision is made!

Last week, I spoke to admissions directors at 7 different schools.  One that I think we might really have liked, had waiting a list, 2 were all day everyday schools, and G- was not old enough (or patty trained enough) for another 2.  That left us with 2 possibilities.  Ideally I wanted a school that he could also go to next year.  My dream situation was a school that he could go to 2-3 day a week this year from 9 or 10 until 2 or 3, and then go about the same times but for 4-5 days a week next year.  Alas, such a school does not exist, or at least does not currently have any opening.  Of the two remaining choices, one went everyday from 8 to 11:45 and the other had openings on Thursday and Friday and went from 8:45 to 1.

I reluctantly went to see St. S-, the every morning school.  I didn’t like the times because I really want his nanny to continue working for us, but I didn’t want to be away from G- for more than 6 hours.  That would mean she would be working less than 3 hours a day 2 days a week, and I wasn’t sure it would be worth her time.  Also, all G-’s classes are in the morning, so I would have to rearrange the whole schedule.

But when I got to the school, I loved it.  It is a true Montessori school (as opposed to a MDO program) and each class is staffed with certified Montessori instructors, most with many years of experience.  They incorporate music, art, Spanish, and movement into the day, and the classroom was wonderful.  The other school did not give me nearly the same positive vibe and the 1 o’clock time would wreak havoc on nap-time.

But what finally sold me on St S-’s was the drop off policy.  They strongly encourage parents to stay with the child for the first several days.. Eventually, they would like you to be able to drop the child at the door, actually a teacher comes and gets him out of the car for you, but they feel very strongly that it is important for the kids to have positive feelings about the school in the beginning.  (Seems like kind of a “well duh…”  to me, but whatever).

So now I’ve managed to work out his other classes, though he will have a new swimming teacher (which I know will be upsetting for him, he LOVES Doug!) and new gymnastics coach.  I still have to work out the nanny’s hours but I’m sure we can manage.

Actually I wrote this post a few days ago but never posted it.  So today was the first day of school and I'll be sure to post about it later.

Oh my God, Pre-school's Going to Kill Me.

And it’s only pre-school! What in the world am I going to do when I have to face REAL school???

So I had G-  all set up for the year with a perfect childcare plan.  He was going to go to a new Mother’s Day Out program at our church 2 days a week, his nanny would have him 2.5 days a week, and my mom would take the other half day, leaving me 5-6 hours a day to work.  When I first talked to the MDO director, I told her I had never left G-  in a drop off day care situation and I wanted to be sure he could adjust to it gradually.  She led me to believe that while they weren’t going to love that, they would work with me on it.  The church is literally on my way to work and the hours were perfect.  It was a no brainer.

Wednesday, I went to pay his first month’s tuition and fill out the paper work.  I asked again about staying with him for a while and they said they were not going to allow the parents to stay at all.  In fact, I was to hand him off at the door and not even come in the classroom at all to help him settle in.  They would have a getting to know you day before the semester starts so the kids could get used to the room and teaches, etc.  I explained that G- takes a while to warm up to groups, even ones he sees regularly.  At our music class, he usually spends the first 5 minutes with his head buried in my chest, even when we have been to the same class with the same people 8 weeks in a row.  She assured me that they would only let him cry for 45 minutes before calling me.

Now, I realized that many people probably consider me to be an over-indulgent parent.  I nursed the kid ‘til he was 2, I lay down with him every night when he goes to sleep, and I have never in his whole little life let him cry for anywhere near 45 minutes.  In fact, I pretty much never let him cry alone at all.  And there is just no way he is going to get comfortable enough with the teachers in one 2 hour session, for me to just dump him off like that.  Plus, all the kids will be new, as it is a new program, so I’m guessing most of them will be upset as well.  I just can’t see leaving him in a room full of screaming kids worth just a “OK, see you later sweetie.”

But like the non-confrontational person (read total wimp!) that I am, I paid the fee and left.  Crying. And thinking it was just me, and obviously this just must be how it is done.   And I cried much of the rest of the day, until I realized I just didn’t think I could possibly do it.  And more importantly, I don’t want to.  There was another issue that bugged me too, but I'll get into that in another post.

So I started calling other schools.  And the more people I talked to, the less comfortable I was with the first program.  No one else said I would not be allowed to come in the room with him.  Some even said they encourage the parents to stay the whole first day and to gradually leave for longer periods of time over the first week or so.  So I’ve pretty much decided he will go to a different program.  I think I even have one selected.   Now I just have to get up the courage to withdraw him from the MDO program and actually tell them why.  Preferably without crying.

Ya Know, I Just Don't Feel Sorry For People Like That

This post would undoubtedly offend someone, if anyone read this blog.  Luckily I don't have to worry too much.  I do want to preface this entry with an acknowledgment that many, many people are overweight through no fault of their own.  I also think it is OK to enjoy eating, and to splurge every once in a while, no matter what you weigh.  But there is a limit to what any human being should  subject her body, and what follows is way beyond that limit, in my opinion.  If you do that to yourself on purpose, you have no right to complain.

On Wednesday, G and I ate breakfast at one of our regular haunts.  The woman in front of us in line was fairly large and complaining to the server about her knee pain.  She then ordered 2 scrambled eggs with toast and hash-browns, a side of sausage patties, two pancakes, a cup of fruit, coffee and orange juice.  She sat at the table next to us.   I fully expected someone to join her shortly.  You see, each of those pancakes she ordered is bigger than the large dinner plate it comes on, about 13" across, and she ordered TWO of them, and William and I normally share the rest of what she ordered and come no where near finishing it.  But her order arrived and no companion appeared, so I watched in growing shock as she ate her breakfast.

First she finished all the eggs, then spread one full pad of butter and one tub of jelly on each of two pieces of toast, and scarfed them down, snacking on sausage in between.   When those were done, she grazed on the hash-browns while spreading two more pads of butter on her pancakes.  But the thing that really took my breath away was the syrup she added.  She poured 2 large plastic containers of syrup over the pancakes.  We are not talking those little cups in which you get ketchup at some restaurants, no these cup are probably 3 inches across and 1.5 deep.  She poured at least 3/4 of a cup of syrup on her pancakes.  It stood as a lake, filling the pancakes to the edge and dribbling off the plate as she cut into the pancakes.  Which she naturally finished, swabbing up every last drop of syrup with the last pieces of pancake.  The only thing she left uneaten was a bit of the hash-browns, part of her second large OJ, and about half the fruit.

Now maybe this was a splurge for her, I have no way of knowing, but she easily consumed at least 3000 calories and well over 100 grams of fat.  In a period of about 15 minutes.  To me, that is just frightening.